Ultimate Grilled Cheese Sandwich - Making Unhealthy Sandwiches

Grilled Cheese Foundation

It is not an organization to honor grilled cheese. However, it is the way this meat-beast sandwich came to be.

I have always loved a good grilled cheesed sandwich. As well, a grilled cheese like many simple foods to enjoy, can be elevated.

First off, butter is better when you need it, so use it. On the other hand, this sandwich recipe does not require butter, because we have something even better, bacon grease.

And I think the best grilled cheese is made with Gouda. Yup, I am a fancy pants when it comes to the cheese I like inside my sandwich. Try it, and then try to deny me. This combination is a wonderful mix of toasted bread and mild, yet flavorful cheese. But alas, not in this sandwich, the pork takes the center stage.

A Beautiful Sandwich — by David Smith
A Beautiful Sandwich — by David Smith

Better Sandwiches through Better Engineering

Bread me, pues. I am a fan of rustic and hearty breads. Also, I like whole grain breads, real nuttiness. 7-grain breads, 9-grain breads, 12-grain breads, yes they are all good and delicious. And breads with crustiness are great, too.

Sorry, but these heartier varieties also have no place near a grilled cheese sandwich. That’s right. I’m taking a stand. Even regular wheat breads don’t do it for me. I prefer white bread. Yeah, horribly, unhealthy white bread. Pure adulterated food porn – white bread. Importantly, pick your favorite kind, but be aware of the soft, cheapo brands, they can work, but they will collapse like the KETV TV Tower collapse and we know how not famous that was. (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_structural_failures_and_collapses)

For me, I like a bread about ¾ to an inch thick per slice. The grilled cheese in the picture is made with a brioche-style bun. Usually, you can use the bread you have on hand, but if you go flimsy floppy, prepare for the inevitable collapse, not only of the bread, but of all hope and optimism for the next decade or so.

Smashing the Ceiling

This sandwich here was elevated through the roof. For a visual example, like the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, the original, where they smash through the ceiling. This is a ceiling-smashing classic.

Initially, a pack of ham and a pack of bacon start this grilled cheese off. Yes, ceiling-smashing grilled cheese sandwiches need some ceiling-smashing gear to smashy, smashy.

A Porky Grilled Cheese — by David Smith
A Porky Grilled Cheese — by David Smith

Recipe for 1 Ultimate Grilled Cheese Sandwich*

6 Rashers of Bacon

4 Slices of Oddly Square Ham

3 slices of thick white bread or brioche-style rolls sliced accordingly

2 Slices of your favorite pre-wrapped Cheese slices

*Napkins recommended.


Most importantly, the steps to this sandwich are critical and most likely a little displeasing to those who are a little bit more health conscious. Forget your health conscious, in fact, go health unconscious for this sandwich.

Start by frying the bacon until crispy and brown, or how ever you like it. Gross, if you like it floppy and soft, gross.

Put the bacon somewhere, but use the drippings in the pan to fry your slices of ham. Then fry until at least a little brown or cooked. Ham slices are thin and the grease should be hot already, so this should not take more than a minute or two. Put the ham where you put the bacon, hopefully on a plate and not just on the countertop, you savage.

Now here is the part that is really going to make some arteries clog. Next, fry your bread slices in the bacon fat. Yup, that’s the flavor. Instead of butter, you are frying and toasting the bread in the rendered bacon fat. Gross, maybe. Delicious, definitely.

Assembling the Grilled Cheese Sandwich

On a plate or flat surface, certainly not a basketball or bare countertop, at least put a paper towel down first, put down your slice of bread, unwrap the cheese. I suggest bacon on top of the cheese, the ham may be too slick against the gooey cheese. Next layer of bread. Repeat, cheese, bacon, ham. Then top with the third slice of bread, welcome.

Ain't She a Beaut?  — by David Smith
Ain't She a Beaut?  — by David Smith

The Diagonal Slice

There is something about the diagonal slice that appeals to me. I think I like to eat the triangular corners first and that somehow allows me to eat a better bite. Up to you, but I would definitely cut this beauty down, otherwise you might get grease and cheese goo all over the place.

Remember napkins and a follow-up doctor visit recommended to check cholesterol. There is a reason I have only eaten this sandwich twice.