It's not really my birthday, it's my first blog entry so that's sort of the same thing, right? Fuck it, I say it is so it is.
I have a LOT of thoughts. So many in fact that I can't really contain them all in my brain. I think that is why I'm prone to stress, bouts of insomnia, mild panic attacks and short crying fits. Pretty sure my cat judges me in those moments but has the decency not to say anything to me. Truth is, I'm not really a crier. So when it happens, it's either something big and sad or a way that my stupid body screams out excess stress with tears. I dunno. I'll explain my stupid body some other time.
Tonight's insomnia entree. Okay, lets back up a little and give some background. I'm a young-looking 30-something, single, currently unemployed legal professional who lives alone with my cat in “the tropics of Canada” (a term coined by a friend-sorta). Also, I don't say young-looking to boast. I still get ID'd in bars and when buying booze and I sort of feel like I'm not taken seriously because I look much younger than I am.
Rule #1: No good can come from looking for jobs at night!
Why? Well, that is because you'll undoubtedly see something that will discourage, upset or frustrate you. Without fail.
Case in point, a former colleague from my last place of employment just got hired on at the firm I left to go to the firm he just left. Get all that? It's a step up for him to go to that firm. Do I think he deserves it? Nah, not really. I never felt he was that bright or savvy professionally and I felt he was very materialistic/entitled (which is probably why he now works there and part of why I left there - that, and it wasn't my dream job and never would be!).
However, none of that is why I've got a bee in my bonnet about this news. I used to work there and a few months after losing my job, they called me and wanted to meet with me. They didn't know I had been let go and in fact spoke about luring me away from there because they really liked me when I was working for them…blah, blah, blah. They told me they couldn't offer me anything yet and that they didn't even have approval to look for anyone and that they were planning on replacing the person currently in the position. So I waited. And waited. And I guess I now have my reason why they aren't calling. It isn't a situation where he took the job I was offered. We're in different positions. I can now only assume I've been mentioned in conversation and my being let go from my previous employment may have come up sending off alarm signals for them. But sure, don't bother reaching out to me.. In all truth and fairness, the “new job” isn't really something I was interested in, so I guess it's no loss.
If you haven't noticed, when things can go one of two ways… I'll always assume the worst until proven otherwise. It's the Irish in me, I guess. Murphy's Law.
To be clear, I wasn't let go for any nefarious reason. My boss and I couldn't get into a collaborative working relationship and he felt I had too little experience. That is the “official” story. Unofficially, he's a brilliant, old school mildly-misogynistic and racist blowhard that has become increasingly senile and who hasn't worked efficiently in decades but seems to believe that the people working for him are the problem. Being unable to “read his mind” because the manner in which he completes nearly identical work assignments changes so often it isn't conducive to a consistent, productive or effective learning environment. I apparently did everything wrong all the time and therefore he couldn't trust me. In the end, I wouldn't trust him with my legal affairs because I'd be afraid it would get re-diarized every three weeks until he died after never once looking at it. Some people in his employ had things sitting on their desk for YEARS without being reviewed. Not sure how he's kept clients that way, but it's a serious Rules violation and I'm fairly certain that's how someone gets sued.
But what do I know? I'm just the girl who had never been let go from any job in her entire life worrying at 3:33am on a Tuesday if maybe that old coot was right and I don't belong in the legal profession.
Next up: My brother called and picked a fight with me!