Grieving the loss of my dad/ my best friend from liver cancer

On May 11th 2017 my dad passed away from liver cancer my dad wasn't just my dad he was my best friend my counselor he was everything to me he was my guide in life I think his purpose of life was to show me the way through life. So last year in February my dad got really sick he was diagnosed with liver cancer stage 4 the doctor said he had another three to five years to live. Everything was going great until April 4th 2017 my dad started pooping blood and not feeling well. So then I took my dad into the doctor and they said that it was fast progressing liver cancer and it was back and he had less than 3 months to live. It was a week after being diagnosed they referred us to hospis and through that week he started to hallucinate and be very delirious sometimes he didn't even know who people were and I was his main caregiver! Every day he was slowly getting weaker and weaker right in front of our then after we decided maybe it's a better idea for him to go somewhere where he has 24-hour care. Then we did a 5-day respite care and after about a week into it because they wanted to keep him longer than what he was supposed to stay because he was having more complications I finally had him transferred to a nursing home which I promised my dad I have always promised my dad I would never ever put him in a nursing home but you had a think I have 4 Kids I have to look out for the safety of them so mean time we're going to the nursing home and seeing him everyday feeding him trying to get them to eat at least trying he got to where he was in a diaper he couldn't walk or talk he didn't know a lot of people he always thought he was fishing that man boy he loved fishing liver cancer is a very scary dangerous disease. On May 11th 2017 we got a call from the nursing home to get up there they thought it was time for him to go so I run home through my kids in the door at my husband Rush up there and it was his time when me and two of my other sister's got there we were hugging him and crying and you know tell him stories about when we were younger and how much we loved him he took his last breath while we were hugging him that was my best friend my world has come to an end a complete different meaning in life now. My dad used to always go grocery shopping with me work on my rental properties with me he used to be there with me and my husband would fight and argue as I was raising my kids who is there for the birth of all my kids he was always there and now I'm having to do it all on my own make all my own decisions all on my own and I'm having a hard time coping with that losing a parent is probably one of the hardest things any person would probably ever have to go through and it's not just losing them it's watching them slowly go and my mom all she can say is it gets better it'll get better over time and she didn't come to the memorial so I'm a mother of 4 and I had to try to pay for it all myself and my mom should have been there to help support us so there is some hate there towards her a little Grudge and now I'm $96,000 in debt so I would suggest nobody ever sign dual power of attorney or guardianship unless you absolutely read every little detail about it